How to Overcome Resentment in a Marriage

How to Overcome Resentment in a Marriage

I keep wondering though … do my friends, exes and all those people are settling for love? It surprises me, let me tell you why. All those friends, exes settling down, let’s just say that they are the people I thought would be the last to commit, if EVER … I mean I was the one pretty much engaged at 21, they where having fun. What makes people commit? Is it an unplanned pregnancy, the fact that they are getting close to that age when society expects you to get married, do they just give up on meeting someone REALLY special to them? I mean not to use big words; like ‘the one’, ‘the love of my life’, ‘soul-mates’ … But they should describe the reason why you settle right!? If not settling down sounds horrible – well to me that is. (to each is own) I have this idea in my mind this 1 should decide to settle with the person that takes your breath away someone who gets you … Kinda like those ‘special’ relationships. The ones that sneak up on you out of the blue, totally in-expected. I am not really the sort of girl who believes in soul-mates, meant to be and all that crap, well I used to but life taught me otherwise; or maybe I just grew up! Anyhow I find it very funny, or maybe very surprising how some people develop some kind of connection, feel attracted to one another ( and not only sexually).

Someone that right from the beginning you can relate to like you would with your oldest friend – like with that friend you grew up with and knows everything about you and still loves you. The person that changes you, that makes you a better version of yourself, that person who inspire you, that person who’s opinion means the world to you … someone you wouldn’t imagine your life without, that person who no matter what you say, do or how bad you fuck up, well you know they’ll always love YOU, that’s called unconditional love if you ask me! Do you have someone like that in your life? I had a few relationships here and there that I thought were ‘special’ … Well that is until now. I know you’re going to tell me that I met a new man – AH! Well NO I haven’t … He is an old one! But more seriously he is not a love interest (well not really, or maybe he is, was … who knows) truth is we have the weirdest relationship, but it is very important to the both us, don’t ask me why … it is just weird. – We both have been very confused about the way we relate genuinely to each other, or even defining it … but hey! that’s a story for another time. So that’s it for today … any thoughts? xx Clem. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook27Tweet0Pin5 Posted in: Dating & Relationships Tagged in: love, marriage/kids, relationaships, soulmates Summer’s here and everywhere you go, you see them – the happy couples, walking hand in hand, laughing over a glass of wine or feeding each other oysters, displaying a little too much PDA (and yet you’re insanely jealous that they’re getting that affection).  It’s your turn now – but you’ve been doing the online or meet-in-the-bar dating thing and you’ve flatlined. Time to invent the game and reinvent yourself.   1. TOSS THE LIST. No matter where we keep them – on paper, on our laptops, in our heads – we all have those LISTS. You know, the Top 10 Things We’re trying to find in a Partner.

Maybe you’ve got an image of what he needs to look like (head high in hair? Over 6 feet?) or that she needs to be a daily gym goer and able to wear a bikini? Maybe you want someone to buy season tickets to the symphony or be the one to throw those Sunday TV football-watching parties? Whatever’s on your must-have list, TOSS IT. Now’s the consider turn the page on what or who we THINK we want.  That’s not to say you can’t hold on to what’s most important to you, but there’s reason that OPPOSITES ATTRACT.  You may want to run a half marathon and your partner may opt to browse in a bookstore, but that doesn’t mean s/he won’t be there waving you across the finish line. Toss the list and allow yourself to be intrigued.  Toss the list and allow yourself to fall in love. 2. DON’T LISTEN TO YOUR FRIENDS. Sounds harsh?  Look, your friends and family have developed a sense of who you are centered on what they’ve seen of you; makes sense.  But no one knows what you really want, who you really want, who you really are, more than you.  Maybe you’re tired of your professional look and want to grow your hair or maybe you’ve never told anyone that you’d actually like to go clubbing or spend a few hours walking a nature trail in place of that weekly trip to the art museum.

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 It’s natural to your friends and family when writing your online profile but you’re the one who wants to be dating.

Don’t listen to who THEY think you should go out with. Listen to YOU. It might probably shock them – and you – to find who you’re really happy with. 3. WHAT IF? You’re at the bar and the guy a few barstools down sends you a drink but he doesn’t seem your type. Your online dating inbox is full, but none of these women’s emails totally float your boat. But what if you said yes? What if you accepted that drink and spent a few minutes chatting with the guy?  What if, in place of staring at your computer and hoping to get that just-perfect dating email, you just had written back to see if there just might be something there.  What if she was really great by phone and just couldn’t write an interesting profile? What if he was the funniest guy you’ve ever met but you couldn’t tell from his pocket-protector nerd look? Right now, you’re dateless.

 What if you said yes? Maybe you’ll be booking that vacation for two…! Deborah Sloan is the founder of IT’S A DATE: ONLINE PROFILE HELP FOR GROWNUPS, helping people ages 40 and up write and create online dating profiles that stand out from the crowd.  Visit to learn more – and get dating. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook5Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Online Dating Tagged in: Online Dating, online dating profiles, profile writing Hey everyone else!  The Urban Dater’s Yannibmbr (Alex) has contributed an article over on the Tornado Dating In this piece he talks about getting shot down and recovering from such humiliating situations as getting turned down by the parking-lot attendant and Big Sally Mamooshka, the Bavarian Car Tosser… Okay, maybe there’s nothing about Big Sally but, it’s worth checking out if only to hear Yanni’s tales of woe.

Tornado Dating is worth a look, too!  It details one single woman’s journey through the dating minefield. Tornado Dating Breakups: I stink at dating and am even worse with breaking up. I hate the thought of hurting someone’s feelings and try to convince myself I am doing everyone else a favor by not wasting time or letting feelings become deep. I’ve noticed there is no perfect time and the “It’s me, not you” is a legitimate excuse that no one wants to hear. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Asides Dating Culture.  What is it?  Getting all dressed up to meet someone new that you may have met off of an internet dating site, or perhaps a mutual friend of a friend… Then there’s the whole process of the “getting to know you” phase. These are just a few parts that I feel define American dating culture.  Apparently the good and fun loving women of New Zealand feel differently about what dating culture ought to be. What they think, my friends, brings a tear to my eyeIf we are to believe what the New Zealand online mag has to say about all of this then I sense a mass exodus to the island nation of dirty hotties.  I just secured my passport! =) Dating culture is dead – instead, young New Zealand women are regularly getting drunk and cruising around in packs looking for men to have sex with. Just wow!

  That line has described a few packs of aggressive and horny cougars out on a patrol.  I mean, this is impressive stuff.  However, the article also states that there was roughly 29% of men, who were surveyed, who have been feeling the “pressure” due to women dropping traditional dating modicums.  These men, in some cases, stated that they have been “pressured into having sex or had had sex unwillingly.”  Frankly, I have no idea how to respond to that.  If someone came to me and said to me, “Young sir, there is a treasure of enormous value. If you take it you will never know poverty again and will be rich forever, you will never die, the Portland Trailblazers will win a championship every year,” I would say that person is crazy.  However, if said crazy person told me of an island nation of sex hungry women that force themselves on the male populace, not only would I believe this wise soul, but I would have booked my ticket a long time ago. I learned everything I needed to learn about New Zealand from Flight associated with the Conchords and by watching the extras footage that comes with the Lord of the Rings Box Set.  I mean, what else is there?

  These women are ravaging these poor men.  They simply don’t know how to handle it. I think it’s time we sent reinforcements.  I’m billing the beach in the first wave.  Who’s got my back? Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Asides, Opinion Tagged in: Dating, differences, new zealand Equestrians are snobbish and aloof.

Ask the Urban Dater: Trying a Relationship Twice

They are associated with a sport that requires coordination not with a fellow human, but with a horse. They are sensitive to the horse’s needs and pet them like a baby. They also spoil their animals rotten, giving them the best food, medicines and supplements, and even employing other people just to make sure that the horses are cared for properly. In short, equestrians are good to their horses. But are they good to a man? Here are 10 reasons why you should consider dating an equestrian: Have you seen the attire worn by an equestrian?

With all those tight and fitting pants that she wears while jutting out her behind whenever she rides a horse, foreplay with an equestrian starts early. It starts while she is still competing in her event. Riding a horse is tough. She can have bruises because of all the bouncing around. In other words, an equestrian knows how to take it rough. How does one ride a horse? Yes, an equestrian knows how to spread her legs. The key to success in her sport is her ability to tame her horse. The animal is forced to take instructions from her.

In other words, an equestrian knows how to be in control. If you prefer for her to do all the work in bed, then no worries. An equestrian will have no problem being on top. If an equestrian can learn how to love a being with the face of a horse, then surely, you would have a chance of getting loved by her as well. an equestrian trains long and hard for her event. This means staying with and riding the horse each chance she gets. She can therefore ride you all night long. Tired of girls who are squirmy? An equestrian is used to the surroundings of a horse’s stable, so she would have no qualms getting down and dirty. Guys like to think of themselves as well endowed. If by chance you are indeed gifted in that department, you still have nothing to concern yourself with when dating an equestrian. After all, if she can handle a horse’s, she can surely take on yours. Are you into those slave and master things? You’re in luck!

Equestrians know how to use ropes and whips. Some light reading for those actually looking or currently dating an equestrian. There aredefinitelymore positive qualities and reasons you will find it you ever end up dating one, but here’s just a collection of humorous reasons from Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook181Tweet0Pin3 Posted in: Dates & Details, Sex, Tips & Advice It took 40-years, but five years ago I finally found the woman I’d been waiting for my entire life. Yes, on that beautiful summer day on June 28th I said those two magic words that I’d only ever said if a woman asked me if I wanted to have sex, “I do!” And here’s the kicker, my wife is an honest-to-goodness master certified Relationship Coach! For those of you who do not know what that is, she’s basically a person who helps single women achieve their goals in finding love, and to do that she teaches them how to steer clear of, any and all “Womanizers” aka Players. Full disclosure, she was not a relationship coach when we got married, but still the woman of my dreams actually knows more about dating and men than just about any person I’ve ever met. That includes many men! The other cool thing about my wife is that she knows a lot about my former dating life and completely accepts it. We don’t talk about it very often, but if the topic of some woman I slept with, or some threesome I had comes up, she doesn’t force a change of subject or make any fuss.

Where does the guy who “just” sleeps around end and the womanizer begin? I’ve always wondered where exactly a guy who just slept with a lot of women ended, and a Player began. I mean is there a cutoff number for the amount of women you had to sleep with to hit Player status? The fact is, I really never thought of myself as a Player. Let’s take a look at what the online site Urban Dictionary has to say about what a Player is: A male who is skilled at manipulating (“playing”) others, and especially at seducing women by pretending to care about them, when in reality they are only interested in sex. The word “manipulating” is definitely the one term in there that I kind of take offense to. When I was trying to get laid I was really listening to all those women and generally cared about what they had to say… well, most of them… some of them… Ok shit, I “manipulated” women to get laid. Thanks for the unexpected moment of self-reflection Urban Dictionary. I don’t like to think I did, but I guess looking back, I was sort of manipulative. Still, if every adult male who manipulated a woman for sex were labeled a Player the world would contain like 3.5 billion Players and 127 male virgins. The number has to count too, I would think.

So how many women did I actually sleep with? The funny thing is I really don’t know. I have never actually counted. I counted up to my senior year in college (13 women) and then the number just started going up drastically. I was sort of a late bloomer in that respect, if you can call being 21 late, but I stopped counting around then. There have been many times over the years where I have thought about going back and counting them to get a exact number, just so I would know. But for some reason I always stop short of actually starting a official count. Why is that? I read Kiss member, Gene Simmons’ autobiography a few years back, and he claimed to have done a count of some kind and estimated the number of women he slept with to be over 5000 and he was damn proud of it. I am nowhere near the class of Player that Gene was for two reasons: he was the lead singer of a rock band in the 1970s, when having sex was like pulling paper towels out of a dispenser in a men’s bathroom, and… do I really need a second reason? No, my number is in the hundreds, but I don’t think I could tell you any number beyond that. I wonder if Players are supposed to know their number. I have no idea if I am normal or abnormal in this “not knowing” department. That’s because I’ve never asked one if they count. As far as I know there are no “former player’s clubs” out there for those guys who retired from the “game” because they got into a serious relationship or lost their looks, will, and/or desire to continue. Maybe I should start one?

As I write this, two questions pop into my mind that I think need to be answered: 1) Why was I a Player for so long? 2) Do I actually miss it? The initial question is a bit complex in nature, but I think the simplest answer is twofold: I was only going to get into long-term relationships with any women I felt I was going to marry, and I was not going to settle for anyone I didn’t feel “had it all”. And second, I liked the company of women ( more than men) and the intimacy and pleasure sex brought with it. Possibly a bit selfish, sure, but this was my truth for many years. As for the second question, that is undeniable, “yes”. I do miss it. Here is the kicker though… I don’t miss it that much. I really don’t.

I like my wife so much and we have a great sex life and overall life together. And of course the fact that over 40% of all marriages end in divorce, often because the guy just couldn’t keep his “Johnson” in his pants. For me, I think about what one more night of sex would be like and how amazing it could be if I pick the right woman. While I sowed my oats in my 20s and 30s, I always knew I wanted someone hot, and fun, and smart, and whom I love and want to grow old with. Someone who could actually make me hang up the “condoms”, so to speak ( not sure what else a Player would hang up). My wife, and the life we have together, has changed the game entirely, so I am officially retired. For now, and for good. That I know. So for all you Players still out there who wonder if there is a girl out there who can keep you from playing the game, I say, she’s out there you just have to do the work and decide that’s what you want. So with that, I bid you adieux, because I have to go eat dinner with my wife now. She’s making ribs and potatoes. Did I mention she’s a great cook too? Then, if I am lucky I will get laid.

And if I don’t, there’s always my right hand! Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Opening the door for your date shows good manners. Picking up the check demonstrates thoughtfulness. First impressions matter while dating, and respectful behavior signifies quality relationship material — until the red flags emerge. Once a red flag turns into a dealbreaker, courtship? Destroyed. If your love life is in turmoil, you’ll just be a victim of the following dealbreakers: Physical Attraction Physical attractiveness and chemistry create that initial spark that makes two people long for one another. No rule says you must have the body of a swimsuit model or a pro athlete, but a healthy lifestyle and an in-shape body can increase that lustful physical attractiveness. Excessive weight gain, poor diets and health problems is undesirable traits because they may indicate laziness or that you don’t value yourself. a healthy body, mind and energy improves your appeal. By looking and feeling your best, you’ll build confidence — and confidence is sexy. Insecurity Everyone feels down occasionally and bad days are really a natural part of life. Wallowing in ongoing self-pity though is a turn-off. People who suffer from low self-esteem carry a negative attitude, and people want to be surrounded by folks who are happy and uplifting.

Someone who’s confident possesses a dynamic personality that draws people in. When your insecurities get the best of you, then you may be deterring those romantic prospects. Positivity is infectious, and happy people build happy relationships. Ego Ego. Vanity. Narcissism. People who have inflated self-esteem and hold themselves in a higher regard than anyone else are off-putting individuals to be around. a dose of humility is always welcome and rewarded. Maintain a healthy balance between narcissism and confidence. Are your friends turned off by your bragging? Do you seek out validation in place of humbly receive it?

Evaluate your self-awareness. Perhaps your self-perception needs a makeover.